It’s a serious predicament when a woman strongly desires to have children, yet her husband, the desired father wants NO part of it. Since this occurred with both MY parents, and my father’s parents, I suspect it is far more common than I felt at the time. But, it is interesting to learn how each individual deals with this predicament. This is my story, my song, and my way of helping my DREAM COME ALIVE.
My husband and I married quite young, and CHOSE to complete our educational goals and begin our careers before having children. Or so I thought. As time passed, my husband somehow came to the conclusion that he was not interested in having children and became quite adamant about it. I did want children, just not yet, and we decided to agree to disagree and not discuss it (saves a marriage sometimes, you know.)
Of course, there came a time when my desire to have a child swelled inside me. AND, I needed and wanted him to be an active part of the child’s life, and be willing to undergo the sacrifices and changes that come with an expanding family. Only with his true consent, not forced choice, was I willing to risk bringing a child into this world.
I decided to write a song to express how strongly I felt about having a child, not just any child, but his child. Right before Christmas, I brought out my guitar and told him I had a song to share with him.
Dream Come Alive
By Debbie Mondale
Thinking myself to sleep I watch time passing like a breeze,
Been making my childhood dream comes true,
it often puts my mind at ease.
Every step of the way, you’ve been by my side,
going up or down, a roller coaster ride.
There’s one more thing you can help me see through,
I want a child that looks like you.
Please help me
make this dream come alive.
Yes, I’m scared too,
but we will survive.
I know you think I’m crazy,
that I don’t know what I’m saying.
And you’re probably right,
but the feeling inside
is so strong that I’m saying it.
I’ve thought about this a lot, its taken years to decide.
I didn’t know if I wanted it, we lead such a carefree life.
I know it isn’t your goal, quite the contrary,
I only ask because it means so much to me.
I think that as a father, you will have so much to give;
telling stories, making him laugh, teaching him how to live.
It’s a strange, strange world to grow up in,
but with both our guidance, he’ll be strong within.
All I can see is you and me in the heart and mind of one to be.
As soon as I sang the last line of the first verse, his smile vanished, but he listened to the rest of my song and my explanation.
I told him that there was no pressure, he could say “no” and we would continue our lives with our current footloose and fancy free approach. Or he could say “yes”, and we could start a new strange existence full of spontaneity and learn new nuances to the meaning of love. He didn’t have to answer me at any specific time, but that I would love to know as soon as he had reached a decision.
Nothing was said about it for several days until we were on a road trip to visit his mother for Christmas. “Do you want an answer to your question?” he asks. Knowing immediately what he was talking about, I almost shouted, “YES”. He quickly spits out, “Yes, and I don’t want to talk about it.” I smiled. It was a wonderful … slow … start.
Now, he is a wonderful father of 2. He does have so much to give – just as the song says, and just as I expected. The second pregnancy was eight years later, and quite a surprise… to me. I was quite worried about how he was going to respond. But, he knew about our second child before I did, as he was having dreams about her during the first few weeks I was pregnant. When I told him we were expecting, he told me we were going to have a girl.
As Mother’s Day approaches, I know that my true gifts are my loving husband, and my two delightful children, as well as my own caring mother (who also insisted upon becoming a mother) and my father, who also became a great father despite his early reservations).
Songs for Mothers and Fathers Many of the songs that I recommend are a part of my heart’s memories, they will never fade. Most all of them were written by parents who had that same strong feeling about being a parent. It is powerful. It is love.
I hope that you have a wonderful Mother’s Day as well, as a mother, or with your mother.